Sunday, January 24, 2021

Mindfulness in Distractions: Games, Songs, Series and Movies - My January 2021 List!

January 24, 2021 0 Comments


These pop culture products have been keeping me a good company for 2021 starter. If you are in the midst of healing from expectations, job rejections, project failure, shocking news, or if you are still struggling to do the things you believe in, I hope at least one of these would help you get up every morning, out of your head when you need distractions, and do what matters.


I have been jumping back and forth between these two when I have the time:

  • Genshin Impact: for a sense of mission and leveling up. It has very nice graphics and visuals, plus you can change the character's language into Japanese for a cuter sound effect. By the time I posted this, I'm still on level 14.. *sigh* You can play it on mobile or PC too, and when I say the visual is great, it IS. Sometimes after beating some hilichurls, I'd just put my char there standing looking up at the sunset, starry sky, or the ocean horizon for a minute doing nothing. Friends from office have been laughing at my quirks and I laughed too. Beautiful scenery needs appreciation, period. See..mindfulness. XD
  • Guitar Girl: for a more relaxed state of mind. Google Play's Best of Casual 2020. It has pleasant guitar instrumental songs and a calico cat's costume set. I love any game that let me have a cat and wear anything cat related. This is such a simple and pretty game, so I only have it on mobile. After daily mission or lots of random taps, sometimes I just lie down, put my phone in my hand near my head, and leave it idle for the sake of the comforting instruments. A beautiful strum of an acoustic guitar needs appreciation too. :3


This is completely preference-wise, but since I've been fond of Japanese songs, here goes my playlist:
There's a quote from a book I read a long time ago. And it has stuck in my mind since then. It said, "I don't want to die. I just want to live a better life". I don't know why but it saved me from killing myself so many times. -romio2703

“To be born with no purpose is to be born without meaning in life. There’s simply no reason to why you were born, it’s just simple as that. No purpose. No reason. No excuse. that’s why your purpose is to find meaning in a life that has no meaning. I think that’s what makes life unknowingly so beautiful and meaningful.” -Ephode
The comment section of suicidal songs on YouTube are really the warmest place on earth.

Asian Series

Since I'm skipping everything romance and going for more comedy or action (definitely not horror, nope nope), my recommendation would go to:

  • Alice in Borderland: A Netflix Japanese Sci-fi series. Don't expect Alice and a white rabbit, but instead, expect a no-life guy named Arisu (starring Kento Yamazaki. I know, if you watch Japanese movies, he's pretty much everywhere) trapped in life-and-death games. To be honest, AIB is brilliant but a bit too psycho for me, so I'm saving it for brighter days. Psst, it's confirmed that there will be season 2.
  • Mr. Queen: A Korean drama series, but I assure you, this is pure comedy with a bit of time-travel theme and twists here and there. It tells a story of a proud self-absorbed modern guy (starring Choi Jinhyuk) trapped in the body of a Joseon queen (starring Shin Hyesun). It's currently on going, and if you watch this and not laugh one bit, I don't know what you're made of.
  • Great Pretender: A Netflix Original Anime Series about a Japanese con-artist being conned by a group of con-artists from LA to join them conning rich and corrupt people. Phew, a lot of cons there. Many things I like are in there. I really like how the language can switch from English to Japanese, Chinese, Korean, even French, because they are a multi-nation group. I also like how they put in Japanese warlords such as Mitsuhide, Date Masamune, Toyotomi Hideyoshi, etc, as a plastic gacha symbol reference in each case. Not to mention cats! Hehe.. Anyway, hearing "Edamame" never cracks me up this hard. Ah, it only has 23 short episodes in total :(
  • Attack On Titan/Shingeki No Kyojin: An anime series that has become a reference to vaccine-related meme a lot. Politics, GoT vibes, dark secrets, deep plot and twists. We are all waiting for the final season to end too.

Movie Animation

  • I would positively recommend Soul from Disney Pixar! It is really heartwarming in many ways, especially for those who believe that everyone is born assigned to a purpose and that we have to follow our spark to reach our purpose. Many might think that not being able to live following our spark means failure in fulfilling our purpose. "I've always worried that maybe there's something wrong with me, you know? Maybe I'm not good enough for living," said 22 in the movie. I think "Soul" wanted to convey that if you are afraid to live because you're thinking you're not good enough, know that your spark isn't your purpose. Not living according to your big spark is okay. In fact, a spark is not always big. You're ready to live even if you're only good at jazzing or walking. Like 22 said again, "Maybe sky-watching can be my spark." Purpose can always be found along the way, even within small things in daily life.

  • My second recommendation would be Demon Slayer The Movie: Mugen Train. It is reported to have surpassed Titanic, Kimi No Nawa, and Frozen at the Japanese Box Office. Demon Slayer can appear a bit childish at some parts, but the courage, morals, and feel train are real kickers. I'm hooked because I want to see how an altruistic person can stay kind in a world full of monsters. Well, my heart goes to Rengoku in this movie, for the good values he instills to his young comrades, little brothers, and filial piety for his mother and father too. Okay, I won't spoil more, go watch it while it is still on XXI!

What do you usually play or listen to, or watch at the beginning of 2021? Let me know because I might like it too :3

Sunday, January 17, 2021

Dental Check Up - Dentists Have Fillings Too

January 17, 2021 1 Comments

One of these days, I finally went to a dentist to get my teeth checked. I've canceled the appointment twice before, but there is no running from this. If you know me in real life, you'd know that even without the pandemic, I hate seeing doctors and hospitals -especially dentists. It's never personal. I was maybe stabbed to death in a dental clinic in the previous life or something, haha, wakaranai. I went quite far that I even pulled out 95% of my milk teeth by myself back when I was in elementary as they began to loosen just because I didn't want a dentist to pull them out for me. Now, my adult teeth are crowding, and my molars got lines on them (apparently), not to mention the tartar. I know I need a dentist. We all do.


I left my office just before lunchtime, and I got to the dentist early. The dentist's front desk asked me to wait on a red sofa, and there I sat overhearing the constant screeching of drill sounds. I tried to read an e-book but couldn't really focus, so I opened my front camera to give myself the self-encouragement I needed. I took a selfie too. Below you'll see my face trying to stay calm while waiting on a sofa. Smiling, but it signaled, "Yo. Help me." :') *held my hand* *did the infamous butterfly hug* *telling myself I'm a cool adult* Then the nurse's voice cut my self-talk. She gave me PPE (Personal Protective Equipment, or APD in Indonesian) and helped me put it on like a lady-in-waiting dressing a crown princess. It was pretty awkward but okay.



I was thankful for an articulate dentist with a pretty visual until she told me I got four teeth in need of fillings that day and some scaling too. Also, in the next visit, she will be slicing at least six of my front teeth, and then I'll be all set for my teeth aligner. "SIX?" I took a glance at a white box full of drill needles nearby, and she caught on. She picked up one small drill needle saying that in my next visit, she would use that one on me. It will only slice 0.5mm per teeth at most so it won't hurt. That day I only need to get four teeth filled and scaled first. *laugh and cry* Okay..

I opened my front cam again for another self-encouragement as the dentist was filling some form. I remember thinking, "This PPE makes me look like I was gonna go under the knife. Ah, they say a kidney is worth $262,000, but I kind of still need them both intact." The dentist cut my random thought and asked me to raise a hand if I felt pain. I raised my hand a lot, only to signal her to pull her hand out of my mouth so I can ask questions. "What is that tool for?" "Is it gonna hurt?" "Why should I wear these glasses? Is the water gonna go into my eyes?" "What liquid is that? Is it for anesthesia?" "What are you doing now?" "Welp, I swallowed a bit of the drill water. Is it okay?" The dentist was a Goddess for putting up with me so nicely. She said I was too funny. What a sugarcoat for a girl who's anxious with sharp objects. Well, she moved fast. I stretched my jaws a bit after it was all done. It wasn't bad.


Afterward, she did my dental print, and my most-awkward-moment-of-the-week award went to this. She put her hand inside my mouth, not doing anything, just holding and pressing on the mold there. Three minutes for the upper jaw and three more minutes for the lower jaw. I know it's a normal thing to do, but I'm not even sure if I wanted to put the picture here. I took one for a family update, but you know what, I canceled posting it here because it looks super weird. I'll just describe the picture for you, alright. There was me frowning, staring elsewhere with my mouth wide opened because the dentist's fingers were placed idle in my mouth while she stood so close. I wanted to ask more questions, but I couldn't, so I just stared at my dentist with raised eyebrows, but then I gave up and looked elsewhere again, thinking about kidney. That day was indeed the longest time my mouth had been shaken, with all the scaling, drilling, filling, and printing. :')

That day too, I went home feeling more adult than ever. I faced one more of my childhood fears.


When I checked my phone on the way home, there were lots of notification from 2 work-groups. I held on to my phone the whole time but didn't feel the vibration at all, I wonder. One group sent me gratitude messages because I managed our Management Trainee group's funds and handled the condolences flower board for Sriwijaya Air SJ-182. The other group was a misunderstanding chaos. It was okay soon after I stepped in, but I still laugh as I write this. I can only say that there was this abbreviation from HR that was mistaken for something insulting by my team that they got so mad. How I like mediating disputes like this. :3


You might also notice that in this post I didn't show my before-after teeth. It's because I save it for my future post covering my whole teeth-aligner journey. I promise I will attach everything there. Please look forward to it if you read this~ See you in the other post!

Sunday, January 10, 2021

Early Analysis: Sriwijaya Air / SJ 182 / CGK-PNK (Jakarta-Pontianak) / B737-500 / 09-01-2021

January 10, 2021 3 Comments

 That one minute...

Written in English:


The flight number of SJ 182, from Jakarta heading Pontianak using Boeing 737-500 Classic with the nose-name of "Citra"; it was the first plane crash in Sriwijaya Air's history to claim death which occurred on January 9, 2021. A heart-wrecking national disaster literally in the first full workweek in 2021. As much as it breaks my heart in pieces as a person that I lost words that day, land crews are expected to function well in the present time and stand strong to face what the future might lay ahead while trying to hold heart pieces together.


Looking at how creative people in Indonesia can be in assuming and commenting online on an airplane crash..this is the least I can do. Doing some fact checks based on data before adding comments and think of the family in grief should be of utmost importance.. Just because our family or friends weren't there in the crash or the airline, it should not be a reason to not being mindful of words.


I won't say any personal opinion here about the crash because I'm fully aware I'm not an aircraft operations expert as well, but instead, I will leave you the best early analysis video based on data by an expert that I can find for education purposes. It is spoken mostly in Indonesian with a bit of English, but written in English:



I'm not gonna lie that I cried hearing the last point of his explanation about what could happen in just ONE minute. I can't imagine being there at that minute... My heart and prayers go to all crews, passengers, and the family members they left behind. We all hope that all crews and passengers will soon be found.</3


Ditulis dalam bahasa Indonesia:


Nomor penerbangan SJ 182, dari Jakarta menuju Pontianak menggunakan Boeing 737-500 Classic dengan nose-name "Citra". Itu adalah kecelakaan pesawat pertama dalam sejarah Sriwijaya Air yang menelan korban jiwa yang terjadi pada tanggal 9 Januari 2021. Bencana nasional yang menghancurkan hati di minggu kerja pertama di tahun 2021. Walaupun hati saya hancur mendengarnya sampai hilang kata-kata, awak darat diharapkan agar tetap berfungsi normal dan berdiri tegap menghadapi kemungkinan apapun di masa depan sambil membawa pecahan hati sendiri.


Melihat kreatif-nya orang-orang Indonesia dalam berasumsi dan berpendapat online tentang kecelakaan pesawat.. paling tidak ini yang bisa saya lakukan. Saya ingin mengingatkan agar kita sebaiknya cek fakta dulu berdasarkan data sebelum berkomentar dan juga mencoba untuk bisa lebih memikirkan keluarga yang sedang berduka.. Hanya karena keluarga atau teman kita tidak ada di sana saat kecelakaan terjadi atau di maskapai penerbangannya, bukan berarti bisa menjadi alasan untuk tidak menjaga kata-kata. 


Saya tidak akan menulis pendapat pribadi soal penyebab jatuhnya pesawat ini karena saya juga bukan ahli operasional pesawat, tetapi saya akan memberikan tautan video analisa awal berdasarkan data terjelas yang dapat saya temukan untuk tujuan edukasi. Sebagian besar diceritakan verbal dalam bahasa Indonesia dengan sedikit bahasa Inggris, sementara point tertulisnya ada dalam bahasa Inggris:



Mendengar poin terakhir dari penjelasannya tentang apa yang bisa terjadi hanya dalam SATU menit saya sampai menangis. Tidak terbayang rasanya jika ada di sana pada menit itu... Hati dan doa saya sampaikan untuk semua kru, penumpang, dan anggota keluarga yang ditinggalkan. Semoga semua awak dan penumpang dapat segera ditemukan. </3 

Sunday, January 3, 2021

Funeral in Yogyakarta Beach

January 03, 2021 0 Comments

Who else is awkward at funerals? Me too. I maybe good with words but I do have difficulties in being articulate in funerals. Pat in the arm is usually the best I can do, but of course I can't do that to the elders.


This time, it's going to be a bit of a heavy read and more personal than usual. Hence you can close it and open other posts that are lighter if you don't want to read something personal. Well, be warned, daisy. :p

That morning, I remember thinking if I should skip the day and stay home. My auntie and uncle were ready to go at 4.30 am while I was still in my PJ. I told them, "Tbh, I'm not sure if I should go.." It was the day to go to a faraway beach to scatter the cremated ashes of one of my elementary friends' dad. Hence, it was for family and best friends, like my uncle and aunt to the deceased and his wife. Meanwhile, I don't even talk to that friend anymore. Then my uncle replied, "You must remember that his mom had helped picked you up to and from school for quite some time." Asians are usually raised to never owe/burden others, but once we do, it's forever to remember.

For as long as I can remember, school days were nightmares. For someone who hated attention, being well-liked for the visual is like being a white rabbit in hunting seasons. Scratch that, I was a black-footed cat who worked solo, good at hiding (and reading books), hissed when found, clawed around to protect, but from a distance, I looked like a social pretty little cat with big eyes. Back then, I had a terrible trust issue; I was too cautious, and my walls were too high. People often praised how strong I was, but you know there is always a coward inside a wall who is afraid to welcome those who sincerely reaching out, not to mention to accept any kindness in the air. 

Anyway, I ended up going to the beach, out of filial piety to my family. We first picked up another lady friend of my aunt and uncle 32 kilometers away by toll before we headed to Kukup Beach in Yogyakarta, another 85 kilometers road trip. Kukup Beach is one of the eight "Gunung Kidul" beaches. If you ever heard the great legend of Nyi Roro Kidul, Indonesian Goddess of the sea, this is one of those infamous "Pantai Selatan (Southern beaches)" in Yogyakarta. The entry ticket is only IDR10,000/person, and remember this top unwritten rule: NEVER enter the beach wearing anything green or blue. People would frown as if you are a lost cause, but they might also tell you to change clothes or not enter at all. The rational way to see it, because if you drowned, you'd be hard to spot because your clothes' color resembles the sea. Mystic-wise, green and blue have always been Nyi Roro Kidul's emblem, so wearing it in her territory is like asking her for attention to be taken. Locals say Nyi Roro Kidul prefers young and handsome men, but new female maids would be great too, and when she wants you, your soul she'll get. For those who wear white as their beach color like me, this is not a problem.


The funny thing about me and this beach, I went there 2 or 3 times only to scatter ashes, so I never got to see the tourist spot. Nonetheless, though we were far enough from the tourist spot, the place was still crowded with people without masks. It was still amid a pandemic, so I was just as dumbfounded.


Another funny thing about being Asian. Remember when a pretty jiejie in the previous post said I don't look my age? The lady friend of my aunt and uncle asked me if I was on a school holiday. Do I have to put make-up on? Maybe, but on a more serious note, I'll keep emphasizing that I look taller because I'm skinny and I look like a school girl because I rarely wear make-up unless for special occasions. Now, this is every guy from hometown who hadn't seen me since high school, "Are you a vampire or what? You sure got taller but don't look a day over 18!" followed by their parent, "You haven't married yet, right? Any boyfriend?" I wished I could say I was gay at times like this. Actually, I did try it once, and another problem occurred as words travel and I attracted the wrong group. :/ I had to clarify and apologize for being inconsequential.


Back to that day, I ended up not saying anything about condolences. I was just there existing, smiling, taking pictures, helping a bit, and answering questions, trying to give out good vibes at least. I don't know what to say to those who just lost their loved ones, so I treated them like normal instead.

Since Buddhist is their religion, the ceremony was done by two monks in a coral cave before they scattered the ashes to the sea. Afterward, the eldest son came along with the other two experienced locals over-crossing to a coral reef. They brought one crock of the bone ashes, another of the ashes of the belongings, and a basket of flower petals.

People say when a good man dies, his funeral procession will run smoothly and unwrinkled. I witnessed it that day too when some problems occurred but were solved almost immediately. I also heard that the ashes usually go with the wind first, but that day, every time the eldest son sprinkled the ash, a wave would always come as if embracing them before the wind caught it. In the tradition I know, it foreshadows a smooth journey to the afterlife, for nature has welcomed the vessel with ease.

From an early age, I know I want to be cremated too after I die. I want my ashes scattered in no other than the ocean. First, it's a beautiful place to say goodbye to your loved ones. Second, I don't want to burden my family with my burial and grave care. They can just look at the sea to pray or remember me by.

Before we left, my friend apologized for something mean he did in elementary. I stared at the ocean blankly for a few seconds wondering, "The hell did he do, lol." Despite not recalling anything worth apologizing for, I said to him, "Water under the bridge, we were just kids. I'm sorry too if I ever hurt you somehow and don't remember it." He said I have a really strong heart. Strong. That word again. Just like beautiful or pretty. One can hear too much of a word until it loses its meaning. The thing is, I'm not even sure if I was that strong. I was just turning the feel-button off as a defense mechanism during schools, so dodging wounds was easy. Now that I learned to embrace pain while my pain receptors are on, I dare say that this strength and courage outgrew the coward behind the walls I was.

We stopped by the lady friend's house in the afternoon before continuing our road trip home. She has a lovely garden with a small basketball court for her sons, a Maria Cave since she is Catholic, and mango trees. I think this is an Asian thing too since every Asian house I know always has at least one mango tree in the yard. I like it.

I slept all the way home, too many people and socializing for a day. I remember the last thing on my mind before I dozed off was some women I know who had buried their late husbands. These women didn't turn off their pain receptors or shut people off. They grew to accept the pain, walked up straight, and lived with it. They're still there for their children, do what matters, and that's what I call resilient. Right now, I'll settle with "strong'", but one day it will be "resilient" too.